A wise old woman at the ripe age of 113 years (yes – that is NOT a typing error!) Told me , “Honey, you must walk out the front door naked.” She knew my soul had a hard time being transparent to the world. To open myself totally up would be a HUGE feat! But her words changed me…and they still work on me today.
Why is it so hard for me to be transparent? Does others have this issue? Why do I keep walls up to protect? Through the years, I’ve come to realize many truths as to why. Words have to be delicately said as I reveal with each week’s blog and I pray the Lord assists me in this.
As a means of “handling” negativity as a child, I searched for one thing that I could have control over. I found my only way of venting was by making myself vomit.
At the age of 12, I had no idea I was well on my way to hurting my own body while I built up walls of non-transparency. In the 6th grade, my parents had several boxes of a weight loss product called “dexatrim.” I started taking those without them knowing. I would hide myself under my large clothes, and would sneak off to the bathroom with a spoon to gag myself. Bulemia (overconsuming food then vomiting or overdosing on laxatives as a means to get rid of it) was my first disease, then it crept into anorexia (eating less than 300calories/day). When I went off to college I developed athletica nervosa (over-exercising).
I’m walking out the front door naked here for several reasons. Because of what I had been through, it led me to choose the career I have today, of which I have a huge passion. In return, I have been able to help many others improve their health. “Every valley shall be exalted and every mountain and hill brought low; The crooked places shall be made straight and the rough places smooth.” Isaiah 40:4. Everyone suffers at different points in life. You must know that even though you might be going through a rough valley right now, there is a reason for it - and growth found in it. Even in suffering, the sovereignty of God prevails. You will gain so much strength mentally, emotionally, and spiritually from every low season of your life. God promises great joy on the mountain top.
Jesus called Himself “the bread of life” and said that all who come to Him will never hunger or thirst” (Jn 4,6). It is up to you to provide the will…and God will provide the power, as He has promised. All it takes is you asking Him for strength.
Questions for you: What all do you hunger for emotionally? Spiritually?
Are there voids in your life that you keep trying to fill by use of food, drugs, or alcohol and they just seem to never be filled no matter how hard you try?
If you have dealt with something negative in your past, have you made efforts to use your experience and turn them into “assets” for the work of the Lord?
Christie, I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share this part of your past. Many people have such similar struggles. You are such a positive role model and I know you have touched so many people through the Why Weight program!
ReplyDeleteWow, you and I have more in common than you could ever imagine. I wish you were in LR so I could do your program. That took so much courage to reveal such personal details in this blog. Kudos to you! I know there are many women out there like us who need to get all the "secrets" out, let down the walls and love themselves and their bodies for who they are!!! I am one of them!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Audrey, I appreciate you so much! You are in inspiration too! I love your blog!
ReplyDeleteJennifer, I would love to meet up with you sometime in LR for coffee or dinner. I would love to hear your story if you're willing to share.
Christie~ I am trying to catch up with your blog and I keep coming back to this blog. You are what I've needed in so many areas, an open and honest woman of God, sharing your gift and lessons you've learned from the past.
ReplyDeleteI would never literally walk out the door naked, and trying to think about how to do it otherwise has been hard for me. I have made some progress in trying to open up about the past, but really feeling OK about it or comfortable is not easy. I so appreciate your thoughts and thought provoking questions, they have really made me think. And I appreciate your example. Thank you!
Thank you Jamie. Walking out the front door naked is NOT easy for me. Im finding the closer of a relationship I have with my Father, the easier it is for me to give it all over to Him. If I can't be honest with myself, I can't be honest with anyone else. What has helped me through any pains in my life is knowing that those who have hurt me are very broken people too (I'm talking all pains & even the ones to come!). I like how author John Eldridge puts it, "we all pretty much handle our brokenness in the same way - we mishandle it. It hurts too much to go there, so we shut the door to that room in our hearts, and we throw away the key. But this does not bring healing - only sometimes relief." I don't want "relief"... the only way for me to fully live the life God has set for me is to be "wound free" and NOT live in the past. The 30's brought a whole new vision and growth in me. I use to hang on to everything, but once I turned it all over to Him, I realized the "assets" of these wounds...and how it is made me who I am...the person that HE wants me to be....and I know He is still molding me for my purpose He has set for me (yes, I'm forever a work in progress by the Creator). So YES, initially, it is very hard to walk out the front door naked, but the Lord holds your hand the whole way IF you ask Him. :) Many times we take the carnal way of thinking by putting more concern on what "others may think" than what the "Lord wants" if we walk out the front door naked. He wants you translucently healed.
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